One of the most difficult feelings I have had the pleasure of meeting !! It’s a feeling that has a pretty extreme personality … when we break it up… it says it would like to be FOR-GIVE and yet, most often, it doesn’t want to let go!! There is just so much we can forgive, right!! We aren’t used to taking inventory, to make a list of things/people/memories to mark with the label “For-Give”… much less… “For-Get”
It’s gets personal too… and we all know that familiarity breeds contempt… when forgive meets you, it asks of you to ForGive of Yourself… another dilemma!! “Who gave you the freaking right to come and ask of ME. I have nothing to ForGive… I am still struggling with getting what I want!!” Suddenly, here’s a feeling that wants to take from you, promising you that this taking away is a “good thing”… that may even be true… then again… “to ForGive without taking an inventory of what I have to ForGive!!! Do we even know what we have? Most of us haven’t every really indulged in beginning to create a list… I haven’t yet… I am just beginning to make a list… now it is scary”. Even if I were to look around on the surface, everything is emotionally attached to me, I have more reasons to hold on to them… that let them out of my sight or out of my mind. I was being asked, now, to look into the feelings, emotions, memories, hurt, anxiety that I was holding on to… damn… I haven’t ever taken inventory. I have always been quick to point out, the irregularities in other people’s lives… I realised, it was much easier to create a ForGive inventory, with the people who came and shared with me. I am given to understand, that ForGive is the first part… the second, apparently more enjoyable part is that the whole excitement of ForGive, is the first step to inviting a completely new understanding of “ForGet”… ha ha ha… which really means… that once I had my “ForGive” inventory… “ForGet” would begin to mean a whole new wardrobe!!!
ForGive, well, I knew of a whole list of what other people I knew COULD GIVE instead and how, if only they were to GIVE those parts of them away, I’d be happier or I’d feel a lot better. I had a whole list of someone else’s “laundry” I was willing to ForGive… off as my own … ForGive, smiled at me and said… “Well, Mystiic, here’s the deal… that is ForGet domain. I am here to get you to ForGive. Don’t mix the two… You can only “ForGet” once you’ve made place to ForGive”.
Here’s why… Only once you have made place by giving of yourself, you have space to get more for yourself that you may give away. The emotion with which you give… is the emotion with which you fill up empty spaces of thought… ForGet, I came to understand is not about letting go… it was about getting more Interesting… so I decided to flirt with “ForGive” more seriously and honestly… so I could begin the “ForGet” part of the experience!!
It is difficult to “ForGive”. Most of what I began to understand about ForGive, came in packages: people/memories/Events/emotions. ForGive told me to relax, enough to draw myself into a deeper moment, so the list could reveal itself… and here’s the drill, ForGive invited me to follow:
- Begin with saying “I now ForGive of myself” and take a deep breath.
- Next, honestly admit to myself, what I felt or who I saw (it is very important, to be honest. It is a personal inventory, right, only you know the truth)
- Let your mind, reveal to you the details, the thoughts, feelings, emotions, moments, anxiety… live itself out one last time. Put a cap of 30 seconds, you don’t want to get too deep… you may tire yourself emotionally… and wrap up your “ForGive” quest even before you’ve really started!
- Ask yourself, “What else could I “ForGive” of myself? and go back to point 1
Reminds me, of spring cleaning, my cupboard really. When I open it, with the intent of cleaning out… I usually discover more of what I cannot let go of Difficult “YES”… for most of the time I’ve been filling up… I hadn’t taken stock. Understood, FOR-GIVE was part of the De-cluttering and cleansing of emotions!! I had to make place first… for myself to include new emotions, feelings, people, memories. ForGive, taught me a priceless lesson… a lesson I could take to any part of my being, to revise my NOW experiences. Darn, had ForGive met me earlier… this exercise wouldn’t have been so TOUGH… then again… there’s always the “FIRST TIME” and once you get it “right” you KNOW when you need to schedule in another “ForGive” to begin a new “ForGet”
So, I am sharing with you a part, of my list… I’d need a book, to share all of it… that it may help you get started too!! We all have a pretty common inventory, just that taking stock, sometimes needs a headstart . It took me a whole day of repeating and resting to get my inventory… and it is still revealing!!
1) I ForGive of myself … Anger in all its forms from the day I was born. (Anger with my parents, siblings, friends, social, political, personal and financial. Anger, is the most difficult to ForGive, You keep wondering, if letting it go, would make you a little less ambitious. Anger does have a way of asserting your presence… then again… it doesn’t do much good… it’s a back up for times when you have nothing left to judge or bitch about )
2) I ForGive of myself… My hurtful childhood memories (I didn’t understand till now, that I have held my happiness prisoner, of the memories of hurt, I accumulated when my father left us… these memories surface and are pretty ugly, they draw my attention to the pain… and the hurt is sometimes… crippling. I didn’t realise, these memories were one of the major reasons… for me “running and ruining” beautiful relationships. Glad to have finally found a grand ForGive)
3) I ForGive of myself… the expectations I never met. (I didn’t even realise, that my high expectation level, was the core reason for my high level of doubt in taking as many risks as I would like to, oh the expectation of being perfect!!)
4) I ForGive of myself… all situation based judgments. ( ha ha ha… my list included funny things like, “I am fat”, “I can’t”, “I will never”… I just realised, I had either tried all of it once and tried to hide it and pretend like it never happened)
5) I ForGive of myself… all guilt. (I realised, that every time, something went wrong with family or friends, I managed to hold my ACTION or REACTION to them in high esteem… always thinking that in someway I was to blame… truth is… I interfered too much!! When all I needed to do was trigger a thought and allow them to make it right.)
6) I ForGive of myself… my issues with trust! (this was a pandora’s box!!, I realised, I really didn’t trust myself enough… too often, leaning on outside information and more often than not… trying to please everyone but myself… leading to)
7) I ForGive of myself… unhappiness (oh!! what a long list of cribs… it feels like a directory of graves… walking through it… uncomfortable… knowing I managed, victory)
8) I ForGive of myself … rules and regulations (I followed rules to conform, even though I understood that some of them made me cringe… I accepted them… born of the need for approval and validation… I slogged for wages… waged a war with values… all of those meaningless rantings, that weren’t followed by those who preach them… glad I could ForGive those… and settle in with one rule… Love and Let Love)
9) I ForGive of myself… my list of MUST DO’s (too many must do’s, something, I quite unknowingly accumulate… and then regret… just when I reach the list of my “Must Do” I have a breakdown… there are more things dictated by social norms and a few that truly have meaning. This is part of the checklist of the “someone’s done it, so must I”.)
10) I ForGive myself … my “Have to” ( Ha ha ah… this one is a pure REBELLION generator, everything I “have to” is a good enough reason “not to”. And the truth be told, it is a TRAP… “have to” has a way of holding you RESPONSIBLE for things you needn’t even begin to do. It has to do with the rat race you didn’t start… the “survival of the fittest”)
11) I ForGive myself… my promises (now, here is a space, which can be pretty revealing. We make a lot of promises in the heat of the moment. Promises to never “ForGive” and never “ForGet” the past… which forces us to live with one emotion in LACK and the other in the hope of abundance. Often, leading to realities of longer inventories of “ForGive”… I guess, this is the most important “ForGive” there is to work with… and work through!!)
I’ll stop right here… you need a breather too… there must be so much happening inside your head right now… ALLOW yourself… YOU time… For:
May your own personal ForGive draw you to the beautiful place of your own ForGet… that abundance may find you… aligned to RECEIVE all that you choose… May your list of “ForGet” always be longer and stronger!!
“ For Giving of who you are… is the most powerful inventory to begin For Getting more of what you really do want. ForGive more that you may ForGet more! : Mystiic”
- Spring Cleaning for The Heart (therevelationproject.me)
- Moody Mystiic: Getting to know the brat within!! (mystiic.wordpress.com)
- Moody Mystiic: Life changes at the speed of Gratitude! (mystiic.wordpress.com)
- Forgiving and Forgetting (thecupoflife.wordpress.com)
- Forgiveness (whollyhappy.wordpress.com)
- Forgive and Forget (itrustmyjourney.wordpress.com)
- Forgiveness Is… (becomingabetterwoman.com)
- What is True Forgiveness? (wordsthatlastalifetime.wordpress.com)
- Forgiveness: A One Time Deal? (3sharedpaths.com)
- Letting Go Of A Grudge In Three Easy Steps (managebetternow.com)
- Forgiving and Forgetting Release Those Hostages (sydneychase.wordpress.com)