We keep looking for a perfect partner… spend most of our lives wishing for someone we don’t have… not taking time enough to know the one with us!
I have this one person for me… so perfect!! God bless us… it has taken many broken relationships to find this one. And today I realise that each relationship actually helped me find one piece at a time of the perfect partner for me.
We don’t always know why some relationships bail out on us or the others that we bail out on. Yet, if we find time to look back and the ones that took a lot of our time and energy… a lot of tears!! We will come to see, how each person has taught us more about the kind of man we really do want. We learnt so much about ourselves and the one man… we wanted to grow old with.
As a young girl… I wanted handsome boy who loved me… when I found him… and I did … I realised… I wanted handsome boy who loved me and loved himself too!! I was such a jealous cat… so I wanted… not so handsome boy, who loved me!!
When I got a boy like I asked for… and we did have a pretty long relationship… we quite literally grew up with each other. I realised, I wanted level headed boy who understood what it meant to adore a woman, surprise her and love her!! Someone who’d give me my space, possibly share the same dreams, be more physically romantic, take me out on dates and make each one special! That is exactly… how I knew I wanted to be loved… only because that is exactly how I loved too!! … God was pretty prompt… I met him… too good to be true I said… and oops!! God… just one little correction… He isn’t catholic
The next big man to make it to my life… was Catholic… older than I… well settled, in love with me and yes… a bachelor too!! Ha ha ha… you would think… Lucky Girl… it doesn’t get better!!! Say “YES” don’t wait… I did… I said “Yes” and all I did after that… was waited!! A long distance relationship… that gave us both our personal space and “our time” too!! Yet there was something… missing… we were so close… yet miles apart!! Three years later… we fell apart… powered by a misunderstanding… and I knew what went wrong…
I began to understand… that in each relationship… my “eyes” were always on what wasn’t right… so much so, that I kept a list!! It never had to do with the men… they were all absolutely according to order… it was my own pain that blocked me from accepting happiness!!
My Father, who abandoned me when I was all of 5… was the most important man in my life… and somewhere, I held myself unworthy of being loved and appreciated and adored!! So, when I felt like everything was just perfect… I would sabotage my relationship… looking for the similarities… and begin hurting. Not realizing… WHAT WAS HURTING!!
For every girl, her father, is the first relationship with a man!! And she never grows up from being her Daddy’s little girl!!
I realised, in healing the primary relationship and “letting go” of all that my relationship with my father and what he did or didn’t do and “learning” to love myself and my partner as an extension of me.
I now enjoy a deeper more beautiful, more adventurous relationship, there’s so much to “learn” once you actually begin to “let go”. Learning to love by instinct! Learning to love my instincts about my partner, such a brilliant way to learn to love again!!