Feeling of the day: Denial


When I decided to be part of Postaday… I wanted each post to be special… so I decided, I am going to celebrate something new each day and share it here with you!! I will try to find the thoughts that bring us down… and find a way through them to lift them up… and create a brand new relationship with them.

The most beautiful part of doing this… is in finding a brand new me… now part of you too!!

Today I did something special for ME!! Just for me… after 35 years of justifying being obese (a word that I find difficult to use) I made a decision to join the gym. I realised, at some point in my life “Denial” helped in keeping me “OKAY”, with being Obese.

I begin EXERCISE THERAPY with Denial on 9th of April… a day after Easter! This time around… I am doing it specially for ME.

I have spent 35 years being OBSESE, something I have taken pretty lightly, considering I have had a million reasons not to look at it as DENIAL Winking smile Here are some classic ones…

1) I am ME… like me, love me or leave me!

2) I am a fantastic dancer, my weight has never come in the way of my “floor time”

3) I am fat, God made me this way for a special reason… and if you can’t love me the way I am… then… the highway is the best way!

4) I have always been fat… I don’t know what it is to be thin!!

5) I won’t loose weight just because someone else, has given me an alternative. Especially not… if it is a man  Winking smile

I have always had a longer list NOT TO CHALLENGE myself to drop the “scale figures”… I was always scared/worried, I was told that men, like perfect figured women… and that Indian men, marry women for the way they look… not who the are inside. I guess, I made that a perfect rebel excuse… to stay fat!!

Yet, in the last 4 months, I have also realised that if I have to motivate people to take care of themselves, I needed to begin with me. Be the leader of the pack!! I decided, that taking care of me… is really the simplest way to love myself first. I have begun spending quality time, in silence, writing, singing, cooking, counseling… all things that help me find powerful stories from my own life, that I can share with others… in inspiring another human being… I am inspired!!

I realised, I have never needed approval from a place outside of me… I needed to reach within me… and find perfection… and my outer world will follow. I had to begin finding the “things/thoughts” that I had put in a memory box called… “Denial” and face them… long enough to learn from each denial and thank for the lesson I learnt from Denial!!

Dear Denial,

I have allowed you, by my own MIRAGE of defense, to keep me from letting my light shine bright and beautiful… complete in every way. Today I release you from your duties, that have kept the magnificence of the complete me… I NOW accept myself as PERFECT WHOLE AND COMPLETE in the LIGHT!!

I now set you free… into the LOVE from which we both come. My Gratitude to you for the many years of being a loyal friend of obesity… Then again, don’t we all grow up and choose a different truth… I choose to now see you from the same truth. YOUR WORK IS NOW COMPLETE!!

An Offering of Light in Worship

Mystiic

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One thought on “Feeling of the day: Denial

  1. Pingback: Princess Diaries: 17th April 2012 « Mystiic

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